Artist looking for side work (New York)

newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/res/d/artist-looking-for-side-work/6919125561.htm
Hi all!

I am an artist looking for side work in assisting, producing, and any creative endeavors. I have worked extensively for producers, production companies, and many other entertainment based firms. However, I am open to any opportunity. 

I have a business degree from a major university and am adaptable in any environment. 

Some work that I am interested and have extensive work in are as follows:

– creative producing
– fundraising
– teaching
– assisting
– archiving
– office management
– social media and marketing management

Please reach out if you might have something for me. Thanks!

I can tell you have no experience because you said you worked for many entertainment based firms. Firms?!

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In immediate need of job (alameda)

sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/res/d/in-immediate-need-of-job/6929694342.html

Hello. 

I am in immediate need of employment, as I am at risk of becoming homeless. Retail jobs are what I prefer, but I’d be willing to accept a wide variety of other jobs including office and warehouse work. I am 19, about to turn 20, and am currently in college with a highschool diploma. I am a female.

I am not accepting masseuse positions.

I am only looking for stable, full-time or part-time jobs.

I’m mainly looking for positions in the Hayward, San Leandro, or Fremont area.

Prefer contact by e-mail first, but text is okay.

Try being homeless for a period. It will teach you about life. C’mon, don’t be a pussy.

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Brand me and invest in me (Upper West Side)

newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/res/d/brand-me-and-invest-in-me/6931271845.html

I’m lost am a loser I have no money or friends and I’m sick of this life. I’m want someone to invest in me. Mold me brand me make me important and cool and loved. Turn me into someone of value. Use me for profit I don’t care. I will do anything. Prove that with the right investment and branding expertise anyone can become famous. This can be a great social experiment

Somebody’s having a bad day. Rub one out, you’ll feel better.

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PHP Mysql Programmer (Los Angeles)

losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/res/d/php-mysql-programmer/6931352592.html

Soy programador web (php programmer freelancer). Actualmente mis aplicaciones estan basadas en PHP, mysql y javascript. Tengo algun tiempo disponible, asi que, estoy buscando un part time o un proyecto en el cual trabajar. Tengo algunos ejemplos de mi trabajo en este link: itzystem.com aqui tambien encontrara mi telefono, si no contesto por favor mandeme un mensaje, le devolvere la llamada en cuanto me sea posible. Trabajo por mi cuenta, no tengo honorarios altos.

This person thinks PHP stands for Por Hora Pesos.

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Artist Services (Upper West Side)

newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/res/d/artist-services/6931750482.html

I am seeking a Writer/Author of Children’s book who is in need of an experienced Illustrator/Artist. I have been an Artist for most of my life. I have been commissioned to do several projects in my past and I believe I would be able to assist you in promoting any books you plan to market. I have illustrated a series of caricatures (children) that I have been attempting to market with no success, only because the right connections were not available. I would welcome an opportunity to discuss with you about working on any upcoming projects. My portfolio is available upon request. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

The only reason you haven’t been successful is because you didn’t have the right connections. It has nothing to do with being desperate and cliché. 

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Affectionate hugs can bring miracles – Strictly platonic (Upper West Side)

newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/res/d/affectionate-hugs-can-bring-miracles/6915419083.html

Good morning, 

Feel lonely and just need a hug or some one to cuddle with. ….
I’m your girl strictly platonic just a regular Session of cuddling, snuggling, conversation, friendly massage, platonic outside dates to dinner, movies, etc. Any platonic activity you would do with a friend is acceptable. Please note This is not a free service even though it’s strictly platonic with no sex involved just the touch of a woman whether we are hugging, cuddling being loving and affectionate. 

Affectionate hugs can make miracles, I really value the human touch, sharing great moments and experiences with people and learn about them. I’m a free spirited, open minded, warm and sweet person, great listener, love snuggling and feel close to another person. I enjoy travel and meeting new people and places, listening music, cooking, and watching movies.

I love to bring positive energy to others and be a great listener. It’s very important to support people in finding inner and outer peace. I love to smile and brighten others day with my big heart and an open mind. I am an eclectic, versatile, artistic looking to create more joy and peace in the world — one hug at a time. Whether you’re in the mood for a thorough cuddling and a chance to relax without expectations, a friendly outing, great conversations, comfortable silences, or if you’re simply seeking a new experience — I am here for you. 

When we’re together we can talk about favorite colors. I’m guessing yours is blue because that’s going to be the color of my balls. 

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Are You in Need of an Editor?

sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/res/d/are-you-in-need-of-an-editor/6929965996.html

If you are looking to have a book or other type of manuscript edited, please contact me and I’ll be happy to give you a free sample edit (of up to 5,000 words), as well as a quote for the entire project (current rate is 0.03 cents a word.) Whether it’s a novel, autobiography, poetry, or personal correspondence, I’m here to help you communicate in the most efficient way possible.

I have been editing for over a decade and am a member, in good standing, of the International Association of Professional Writers and Editors, so let me know how I can best help you tell your story! I work with people all over the United States and Europe (primarily the U.K.) as an editor. Feel free to contact me by phone at ______________ or email me through here if you want to schedule a consultation about your project.

Also, please don’t flag this ad. Helping people tell their stories is how I make my living, and this is a completely legitimate service that is within CL’s approved practices to advertise.

Did you mean $0.03 per word or .03 of a cent per word? Either way this is a scam ripoff. You’ll probably just write “penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis…”

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***Looking for an investor to invest into my clothing brand*** (Chelsea)

newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/res/d/looking-for-an-investor-to-invest-into/6930316925.html

Hello

My name is Rose and I run a small art business.
I have some ideas for clothing designs. My main goal is to produce some socks and shirts to start off.
I am planning to get a vendors license so i can sell the clothing in soho.
If you like my designs and you think we can make some money, please email me back.
I dont need much money to start off.
Looking for investors who have experience in the clothing business.
My vision is to use high quality materials that is comfortable and stylish.
Opinions are welcome ~

In my opinion, you should watch the show How to Make It in America. Then you should watch The Sopranos.

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Dognapping

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dognapping

Dognapping is the crime of taking a dog from its owner with the intention of demanding a ransom. The word is derived from the term kidnapping.

Historically in the United States, dogs had been stolen and sold on for medical research, but the introduction of the Animal Welfare Act of 1966 reduced these occurrences. The profit available to dognappers varies based upon the value of the dog or the amount that its original owners are willing to pay as ransom. Dog organizations recommend the microchipping of dogs in order to facilitate an animal’s return to its rightful owners.

History in the US and the UK

Dognapping is not a recent development, with reports of dogs being held by ransom since the 1930s. Harvard students kidnapped Yale‘s mascot Handsome Dan II in March 1934, which was reported by the media as “dognapping”. By July of the same year, what was considered by the press to be Chicago‘s first case of dognapping was solved with the return of a Boston Terrier named Kids Boot Ace, who had been missing for five months.

The first high-profile case of dognapping for monetary ransom occurred in 1948. The editor of House & Garden magazine, Richardson Wright, had a Pekingese puppy taken by a passing motorist who later telephoned to demand from him “as much money as you can pay” for the dog’s return. By 1952, gangs of dognappers were reported in the media. During this period, research laboratories would purchase “bootleg” dogs for experimentation, and patterns of thefts were apparent with specific types of dogs going missing at certain times. This led to the consideration of using dogs obtained from dog wardens instead of destroying those dogs, in order to cut down on the market for dognappers to sell on stolen dogs.

Does Wikipedia really need an extended article about dognapping? Save some bandwidth. All you have to do is read the kidnapping article and replace the word “kid” with “dog.” I want to learn the history of hamsternapping.

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